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Fun things to amuse...

gaymen2
4 hours ago
4 min read

A Chinese doctor

moved to the U.S., but couldn’t land a job at a hospital. So, he decided to open his own little clinic and hung a sign outside that read:

“Get treatment for $20 — If not cured, get $100 back!”

One day, an American lawyer saw the sign and thought, “Easy money!” So he walked in.

Lawyer: “Doc, I’ve lost my sense of taste.”

Doctor: “Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22. Put three drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Lawyer: “Ugh! That’s kerosene!”

Doctor: “Congrats, your taste is back! That’ll be $20.”

Annoyed but not giving up, the lawyer returned a few days later.

Lawyer: “I’ve lost my memory. I can’t remember a thing.”

Doctor: “Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put three drops in his mouth.”

Lawyer: “Hey — that’s kerosene! You gave me this last time!”

Doctor: “Congrats, your memory’s back! That’ll be $20.”

Now fuming, the lawyer came back one last time, determined to win the $100.

Lawyer: “Doc, my eyesight is so bad — I can’t see a thing!”

Doctor: “I’m sorry, I don’t have any medicine for that. Here’s your $100.”

The doctor handed him a $20 bill.

Lawyer (squinting): “Hey, wait! This is only $20, not $100!”

Doctor: “Congrats, your eyesight’s restored! That’ll be $20.

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Islamic preacher Zakir Naik

entered a taxi in London and said loudly to the taxi driver: -

"Brother, please turn off the radio, because according to the instructions of the Holy Quran, I am forbidden to listen to music, because during the time of Prophet Muhammad there was no music, especially Western music, which is the music of the infidels (kafirs)." The taxi driver politely turned off the radio, stopped the taxi and opened the door. Zakir asked him, - "Brother, what are you doing...?" The taxi driver politely replied: - ""In the time of the Prophet: There were no taxis; There were no b-o-m-b-s; There was no theft; There were no speakers in the mosque to wake up the children, the elderly or the sick; There were no s-u-i-c-i-d-e attacks; There were no AK-47s; So shut up, go outside and wait for your camel..."----

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An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with a Tempo Mach 2 appears.

The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus, and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight, isn’t it? Now have a look here!"

He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks: "Well, how was that?"

The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but watch this!"

The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly straight, at the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?

Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?"

The Airbus pilot laughs and says: "I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry."

The moral of the story is: When you’re young, speed and adrenaline seem to be great. But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important.

This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older, and Smarter.

Dedicated to all my senior friends ~ it’s time to slow down and enjoy the rest of the trip. 🙂

Love this great story

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In a 6th-grade science class, Mrs. Parks asks her students:

“Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”

The room falls silent... until little Mary jumps up, horrified.

“You shouldn’t ask us things like that! I’m telling my parents! You’ll get fired!”

Mrs. Parks calmly repeats the question to the class.

Still no hands go up.

Mary whispers, “She’s really in trouble now…”

Finally, little Billy raises his hand nervously and says:

“Um... the pupil of the eye?”

Mrs. Parks smiles.

“Correct!” Then she turns to Mary and says:

“And as for you, young lady, I have three things to say:

You have a dirty mind.

You didn’t do your homework.

One day… you are going to be very, very disappointed.”

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Why don't the British boast about their country like Americans?

I think the British mentality can be summed up by this Sir Terry Pratchett quote from his book Night Watch

Tom?’'Yes, Clive?

’'Have you ever sung the national anthem?

’'Oh, lots of times, sir.’

'I don’t mean officially.

’'You mean just to show I’m patriotic? Good gods, no. That would be a rather odd thing to do,’ said the captain.

'And how about the flag?’

'Well, obviously I salute it every day, sir.’

'But you don’t wave it, at all?’ the major enquired.

'I think I waved a paper one a few times when I was a little boy. Patrician’s birthday or something. We stood in the streets as he rode by and we shouted “Hurrah!”’

'Never since then?’

'Well, NO, Clive,’ said the captain, looking embarrassed. 'I’d be very worried if I saw a man singing the national anthem and waving the flag, sir. It’s really a thing foreigners do.’

'Really? Why?’'WE don’t need to show WE’RE patriotic, sir. I mean, this is Ankh-Morpork. We don’t have to make a big fuss about being the best, sir. We just KNOW.’

British people are innately suspicious of tub thumping jingoism and cry your eyes out patriotism with lots of flag waving.

As seen above we feel it is rather vulgar.

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