gays are their own worst enemy

When you are told that there is a massive lack of venues and events for older gay men, - and when you offer numerous gay groups designed for older gay men - numerous events, drop ins,. dinner parties, bridge evenings, coffee mornings and more, and have everything refused - then you do wonder why so many of these gay mens groups do not mix together and help each other out. They simply do not. There is no love lost between various groups and organisations and what there does seem is resentment and jealousy.

I gave up trying to work with other groups decades ago as the manner in which most work is far too slow, far too incompetent and far too committee based which relies on volunteers who - all too often - volunteer for the fame, the attention and the me me me more than it is for the betterment of the group / organisation and as long as groups are run by volunteer committees, business drags to a crawl and the few will manage for the many while the many take the praise.

There is no community - NO GAY COMMUNITY - as all there is is a loosely based mixture of groups who have little cohesion to each others group and all seem to want it all for themselves and none work together - plan together - share together - and none have the betterment of the GAY COMMUNITY as a WHOLE - in mind while pretending to be there to support etc. when there is very little of that except maybe for their own members alone.

If you have something bigger, harder, better, then you get resentment.

If you are louder. - You get resentment.

If you are further forward - BOY do you get shouted down

and if you offer something that many say is needed - but it is not their event or their venue, the bitching starts straight away and many MANY MANY MANY good things planned for gay men fail because of those resentful little pricks ruining it all the time and so things get cancelled.

When a group rents a venue and then has to cancel this costs considerable,

Lucky for us, Hamilton Hall is owned outright by myself so no mortgage or rent - so if something is cancelled - it just means a few days off for me - which I absolutely do not mind at all and means I can have some play time for me for a change. Working 365 days a year - I do not mind the occasional quiet period at all and like recently, Woody and I have been binge watching several things on telly like SENSE8 on Netflix ( I have seen it 4 times already and love watching it with Woody ) and POSE on another satellite system... and it is great to be able to binge watch when we are quiet here as we deserve every minute of it.

Yet I still get hate mail from complete strangers, and this is a constant thing, and comes because many envy, many resent.

Dear John: I am tran sexual. Pre Op. I have my beautiful bouncy boobs but am still legally a man as I still have my dick. It'll be some years before I fully become a women.

I read about how you get hate mail, well so do I am most comes from gay men, by post, by e mail and often when I visit gay venues. I cannot believe the animosity that is thrown at me by gay men, who really should know better. Spite filled evil comments from gay men. There simply is nothing to hold our communities together and gay men and lesbians, trans and even bisexuals, really are all from different worlds and as far as most are concerned, there is nothing we hold in common.

Barbara W.

John: I came out 15 years ago after a lengthy marriage and was delighted to meet gay men and join what I assumed would be a supportive environment, but sadly I was wrong. Bitchy back stabbing queens predominate the scene and I absolutely hate that side of the gay world and I cannot understand why these people are so spite filled and hateful towards their own. I found a boyfriend and we rarely go on the ' scene' and we both appreciate what we have in each other and to hell with ' the scene.' We found your web site some time ago and hooray for you John and hooray for Hamilton Hall and after reading for many months - I know how hard it is for you dealing with the gay community. Neil.

John: My partner and I ran a gay guesthouse here in New England and after a few years we closed to the gay crowd as it was too damaging and damning on our souls. It was wonderful most of the time but the few who spoil it for others really did a number on us and we closed and were so pleased we did. I'd never even think of running anything gay again and well done you in your 22 years. Have you still got hair John or have you pulled it all out yet ? ha ha

Robert and Kline.

John: I won't tell you which, but I ran a gay bar in London some years ago and never - ever again. Unsupportive gay men who seem unable to accept and all they do is pull apart and it seemed we could do nothing right. I just walked away one day and never went back. Sick of gay men and their damaged attitude - sadly - so often found.

Name withheld.

I was an escort like you John and not sure how you coped with the obnoxious gay media who condescend, patronise and belittle. Alan

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