Genuine complaints from holiday makers to Thomas Cook and others - funny as hell.

THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS & A FEW OTHERS BESIDES.

This is absolutely real.

1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."

2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."

3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."

5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."

6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."

7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."

8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."

9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."

10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."

12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."

13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."

14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."

15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."

16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."

17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."

19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

20: "I arrived when I thought it was arrival time to find out it was incorrect and I was left standing on the sidewalk in the rain for 3 hours because there was no one in. The correct times of arrival were on my Reservation receipt and on the front door but I never read that. You'd think they'd pay someone to wait in for me. "

21: "My wife was distracted by the tour guide being so handsome and couldn't relax during our stay and would vanish off for long solitary walks on her own after dinner."

22: "The brochure should have warned us that Spain in the summer was hot."

23: " What's with all this foreign food muck. I just want good old American food like pizza, hot dogs, chilli and not all this foreign rubbish found here in Italy."

24: " You'd think these foreigners would speak English. Hasn't America owned Mexico long enough for the people to learn to speak proper."

25: We had to pay $95 for a 45 minute drive from the airport to the small B&B we had booked . Why was there no car sent to meet us by the B&B. We were paying $50 a night for a double room and the least they could do was come and meet us at the airport "B.

26: "We requested all other guests wear clothes during meals as we are adverse to eating naked. I don't care that it was a naturist hotel and resort, they should have done as we demanded . "

27: " There was no Room Service. It may have only been a small B&B with 6 rooms, but there is no excuse for sloppy bad service."

28: There was a spider in our room and the owners did nothing about getting it out and kept saying it was to be expected when staying in the countryside in a farm house hotel covered in ivy, as what has the ivy on the building got to do with it."

29: " We demanded a vegan raw food diet on arrival to be told it would not be available as we had not pre ordered at least 4 days in advance a Special Diet. They also said they had no idea what a Raw Vegan Diet was. Nothing was forthcoming and the hotel still charged us the full price. "

30: " The swimming pool was filled from the sea. No one told us it was not heated and was so cold."

31: "The Travel Agent charged me upfront for my vacation. Why can't I pay at the end of the stay. "

ing at a naturist

32: "Staying in a naturist village I at least expected as a single man for the venue to provide female companionship. Was I expected to stay on my own the whole time ? "

33: "We were half board and late back for dinner as we missed the bus from the beach and the hotel dining room was closed and no dinner had been saved for us. Couldn't find a member of staff except in the bars who said it was not their job to serve food and they were most unhelpful. Reception told us if we were late then there was nothing they could do, and kept repeating that we were late. Not very thoughtful of a hotel at all. They should know people are going to be late and cater accordingly."

34: There was no door man to the B&B and we were given a key and we were expected to let ourselves in and out - and it ruined our holiday worrying about loosing the key."

35: "Met someone else staying at the same hotel and we ' connected' and the hotel didn't supply condoms and I found this appalling. "

36: We left London late, around midnight, so arrived at the B&B around 2am. The place was in darkness and we rang the bell for at least 10 minutes before someone appeared ( bad service ) and the guy barked loudly at us for arriving so late ( arrival between 3 - 8pm - and we expected 24 hour service ) and not to be shouted at that late hour by someone clearly just out of bed.

37: "The B&B should have a car to meet us at the station as we had to get a costly cab. Not good enough when paying £70 for a Double Room for the night."

38: "We were expected to park our Daimler in their car park. We were not offered under cover private and secure parking for our car."

39: " There were over 50 different teas and other hot and cold refreshments on offer at the Self Service counter and all free 24/7 but they did not have Jasmine tea and this was just not good enough. The owner told me to Fuck Off when I complained."

40: "No one told us the ship would rock and sway. Don't you think the brochure for the cruise could mention this ? "

41: On a shore excursion we missed the ship and it departed without us. You'd think they could have done a U Turn and brought the 200,000 tonne ship back for us.

42: It may have been a Vegan restaurant but you really would assume it also sold meat.

43: Visited a Harry Ramsden Restaurant and it was all fish. I don't like fish and they offered nothing but fish. Not good enough.

44: Visited a Naturist Venue and was shocked to see naked people around and this put me right off my food.

45: What part of MEN ONLY did she not understand before going off on one and being escorted off the property.

46: The B&B didn't even have a ballroom.

47: I wasn't expecting wasps as I don't like wasps and no one told us there might be wasps.

48: I was told off by the proprietor for leaving all the front doors wide open when I went out for the day and was I expected to actually close the doors behind me ?

49: I asked the hotel to call me a cab and I had to wait 20 minute which was just not good enough.

50: I missed my return flight. The local travel agent re booking me for the next day and I had to pay for the hotel for an extra night which was not in my budget. I argued this with the hotel and was thrown out and was forced to spend the night and most the next day at the airport sleeping on the floor. Don't they know who I am ? This is just not good enough.

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