I cried when I read this e mail.

Dear John:

Post surgery, I am never going to be of any value at Hamilton Hall, even if my wife would allow me to escape !!

But you can only imagine how much pleasure the thought of being naked with a group of equally naked men offers me. I am not bothered about fucking or being fucked by guys. It was not part of my past: the women in my life (except my wife), have provided that. But I had so much pleasure playing with guys' cocks, balls and asses, and enjoying playing, sucking, stretching and using toys with them - in and on me and in and on them.

Hamilton Hall, no doubt, offers all that and more to a range of guys who have all those interests and share them with others.

I am sure that there are sights and sounds and photos and videos of which I can only imagine. And no doubt those who are there have the most amazing activities and experiences which fill their lives and memories for years to come. Indeed, no doubt many of them "cum" again.

I suspect you avoid taking part, even if you had time given you are running the show, but I well remember the pictures you offered me of yourself in your past: such a great body and a magnificent so desirable penis. No doubt your visitors have similar pictures and videos of their time at Hamilton Hall. And may even share their experiences with others.

So....Please don't think I am patronising you. But I would like to thank you, in a very small sort of way, for offering me of a glimpse of what I am missing and for giving me the chance to dream of how I might have shared use and abuse with so many guys in so many ways. Life might have been different. I have no complaints - life has treated me well - but I would have liked more, much more.

I hope you wouldn't be offered if I sent you a few pennies for a couple of reasonable bottles of wine (or something you might prefer). Not for Hamilton Hall but for you and for the work you do to provide M2M pleasure for so many guys on a scale and in a style that I would have loved had I not found myself in a different life. Would a cheque or a bank transfer or similar suit you best ?

With warmest thanks for all you do. From this sad old 76 year old (56 year married) pensioner. D

D. XX

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JB RESPONDS

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When I received this email I was - again, unwell , and sitting at the computer early in the morning when I should have been in bed after a long bad night, and I had to get up to phone the doctor at 8am ( although had to wait until 8.30am ) and I was then number 28 in the queue to speak to anyone.

I did e mails while waiting and this one actually reduced me to tears.

Tears of joy.

Tears of sadness

Tears of what a waste it all is.

Tears for him.

Tears for myself.

Tears for how fucked up everything is and

Tears for all those struggling, suffering, emotionally, physically, financially and in all ways as the world, this beautiful planet, is royally being fucked over by absolute morons who are destroying our very fabric of life and how nothing will ever be the same again, globally;- As corporations screw us to the wall;- Utility companies leave people cold and dying because they want more and more profit;- The NHS has blood on its hands because of how many are dying in the backs of ambulances waiting 12 hours to ' unload' at the hospital and where the government offer them a 1% pay rise while railway drivers are demanding something like 15% increase ( WTF ?) Governments only care about power;- Councils only care about income and not those they are suppose to serve and then bully and claim they are not there to be abused WHILE DISHING OUT ABUSE IN ALL WAYS AND MEANS TO EVERYONE IN RETURN - and where Doctors receptionists make you wait weeks for an appointment unless an emergency - and even at A&E you will wait for an average of 12 hours to be seen.

I cried because this e mail told me so much about this dear man, and I have known many like him over the years. Married - happily with a family - but there is that ' other side' and being older and from a generation not as accepting - a generation where being LGBT was illegal and where being married was a ' way out' and while happy, the inner dreams sometimes come true, as he states, but fleetingly.

The arrogance of the young LGBT is appalling sometimes and they have no idea what it is like to live in a country where being who you are is illegal.

We do not have 'rights' - as our 'rights' could be taken away from us at the drop of a hat;- look at the USA, Poland, Hungary, Russia - and we do not need to talk about Iran and the likes that kill young gay men and women and if the Republican Party in the USA get in again, I fear desperately for anyone - LGBT, Black, Hispanic, Asian, ( non white ) Muslim ( or anyone non Christian ) in the USA as the white supremists and gun totting maniacs that Trump and the likes wind up to a fever pitch of fear of anyone and anything a little different, and where religious fever is whipped up against non Christians in a country set up to accept all religions as equal UNDER THE LAW - ( and hasn't that worked out well then ... NOT ) and I cried for it all. This e mail touched me and it all flooded through me - and the thought that I was diagnosed with cancer at Christmas never even entered my thoughts, I cried for humanity and the sadness and waste of it all.

But then I remembered I am still breathing. Still alive and kicking which is more than thousands of gay men from the 80's who all died young, and I have enjoyed decades more than them. I realize just how lucky I am and have been and never get depressed, just down occasionally, and it doesn't last. I give thanks for this cold and frosty morning and the majesty of it all. I give thanks for so much in life and then ask myself why I concentrate on the bad when there is so much good, you just need to open your eyes and look - as you see what you want in life - period.

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