I see you.

"This is for you bereaved Dads...

I see you.

In the hospital while you await the arrival of your child who will be born silent, I notice how all the nurses direct their attention to the mom. As you stand tall next to the woman you love while inside you are broken.

I see you.

As you hold your significant others hand as she prepares to deliver your child, not one person in the room is noticing your eyes swell with tears, but I do.

I see you.

As your child enters this world silent and fragile. You allow your child’s mom to hold your precious little one first, but your hands shake with anticipation to hold the child you both created.

I see you.

You’re in the hospital room, but the way medical staff overlooks you it starts to make you feel like you are invisible. You wonder do they even know my name?

I see you.

When you have to walk out of the hospital leaving your baby behind your knees feel weak, but you still find the strength to carry your broken wife.

I see you.

You receive cards, gifts and grieving resources but so many are just labeled to the mother. You ache to have your name be included on each item.

I see you.

As your wife weeps day and night you hold her hand, rub her back and calm her frantic mind. You are left to cry alone for fear of making your wife worry about you.

I see you.

To all dads who have had to lose their child and then are left to feel forgotten in the process. I want you to know you are just as important as the mother.

I’m sorry you have been overlooked or made to feel like the loss of your child is a weight only the mother bears. We are in this together, and we are equal partners.

Just know I see you !"

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JB Adds: Many years ago - I was a bereavement counsellor and when counselling a man one afternoon, I asked who he was grieving for - and he told me how he and his wife had had a baby die as she needed a heart and lung transplant and as there were none available, she had died just 18 months of age.

He told me how they had done everything they could and eventually the little child just gave up the ghost one night and as he put it, went to heaven all on her own.

My immediate question was

' And how are you coping with this - is there anyone there for you as support.'

He broke down in floods of tears and through sobs said that not one single person had asked how he was - and how everyone had told him to be strong for his wife - and while we both agree dit was tragic for a Mother who carried that baby within her for 9 months, and as traumatic as it was for her - HE had also lost a child, his baby, and yet not a single person had thought o ask - to offer - to see how much pain he was in - and with everyone telling him

' To be strong for your wife, she's gone through a traumatic time'-

He screamed ' SO HAVE I ' and completely broke down.

Men are assumed to be strong. Men are assumed to be hard. Men are assumed not to show emotions and in this case, no one, not a single person, had considered how HE was feeling and my simple question made such a difference. We sat and talked for an hour about GHIS feelings of loss and despair that no one else had considered. I found that shocking but know it to be real. I fully appreciate what the Mother had gone through, but she had NOT gone through it alone.

Another friend decades ago lost his 8 year old daughter to a brain tumor and no one considerd him - as all the attention went towards the wife / mother and this eventually broke the family apart,. he had a massive breakdown and even then no one paid attention and ignored his feelings and it was all - ' You need to be strong for your wife.'

Men are fragile creatures as well and we are not always as strong as we would like - as we think we are and not as strong as people expect and this needs addressing. It does not mean men are weak, it means we are not hiding our true feelings and ending up really fucked up.

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