Jokes new

Queen Elizabeth II specifically asked to be in a James Bond skit with Daniel Craig for the Olympics, breaking royal protocol.

When asked if she would like to say something, she said, "Of course I must say something. After all, he is coming to rescue me."

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Husband comes home drunk and breaks some crockery, vomits and falls down on the floor...

Wife pulls him up and cleans everything.

Next day wen he gets up he expects her to be really angry with him.... He prays that they should not have a fight.. He finds a note near the table...

"Honey.. Your favourite breakfast is ready on the table, I had to leave early to buy grocery...I'll come running back to you, my love. I love you. ...'

He gets surprised and asks his son..,

'What happened last night..?

Son told...,"

'When mom pulled you to bed and tried removing your boots and shirt.. you were dead drunk and you said......

"Hey Lady ! Leave Me Alone... I M Married !!!”..........

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An unnamed Bulgarian invested the last money he had in the demolition of his family house, because he could no longer repay the mortgage debt. Since the land on which the house was located is not mortgaged, the family decided to demolish the house and hand it over literally to the bank to which they owe the money. That's what they did... they demolished the house and loaded all the construction materials and waste into a truck and unloaded it in front of a bank in the town of Teteven.

Before unloading the house in front of the bank, in the end they decided to make fun of the bank. They went inside and cried, begging the director of the bank not to take their house and to make an exception for them.

However, the director of the bank in question was categorical, telling them that he could not make concessions for anyone.

Imagine what the director's face was like when the Bulgarian who demolished the house came out of the bank and shouted: "Son, they don't give us concessions... Unload!"

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A Newfoundland farmer named Angus had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.

In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Angus.

Didn't you say to the RCMP at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine I'm fine?' asked the solicitor.

Angus responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Angus said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road.... '

The solicitor interrupted again and said ,'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. '

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Angus' answer and said to the solicitor: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.

Angus thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin' her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin' and groanin'. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.

Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin' and groanin' too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?'

'Now wot da fock would you say ?y?

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