short funny stories

I was sitting in a coffee shop when I suddenly sneezed. A woman sitting nearby said, **“Bless you!” 😊

Trying to be polite, I smiled and replied, “Thank you.”**

She looked at me suspiciously and said, “I have a boyfriend.” 😤

I was confused but decided to play along. I stood up, raised my voice, and said:

**“I just sneezed, not proposed!” 😳

The whole café burst into laughter. A few minutes later, she walked up to me and whispered: “I study psychology. I know how men think.”😏

I leaned in and whispered back: “I study business. I know how to create demand where there is none.”💰

A Russian, a Swede, and a Finn are captured by a tribe. The chief offers them a chance to avoid execution by enduring 100 lashes without uttering a sound.

The Russian goes first. Before the punishment, he’s allowed one request. He asks for a pillow to be strapped to his back. After 10 lashes, the pillow breaks, and he screams in pain.

Next, the Swede requests two pillows. After 20 lashes, both pillows break, and he also cries out.

Finally, it’s the Finn’s turn. The chief, impressed by the Finn’s stoicism, offers him two requests.

The Finn says, “First, I want to be whipped 200 times instead of 100.”

The chief is surprised but agrees. “And your second request?”

“Strap the Swede to my back.”

Trump claims that when he was in England, he saw thousands of people cheering him. When would this have happened?

It didn’t happen.

But that wouldn’t stop Trump and his acolytes from claiming it did. Have a look at this.

It’s not hard to recognise the Liverpool waterfront. There’s the Albert Dock to the left, Canning Dock in the middle, and the unmistakeable dome of the Port of Liverpool building and towers of the Liver Building to the right. That’s the Wirral, where I grew up, in the background beyond the Mersey, and you can see the Birkenhead end ventilation shaft for the Queensway tunnel.

And thousands of people, apparently dressed in red. But they aren’t wearing red MAGA hats, as the Trumpenproletariat would have you believe. They are wearing Liverpool FC’s traditional red shirts. They aren’t cheering for Trump, they are celebrating winning their sixth European Cup/Champions League trophy. And I’ll bet not one of them would have a good word for the Orange Tyrant. Trump didn’t go to Liverpool. He wouldn’t dare. But he’s more than capable of claiming this scene for himself.

There was a homeless man who 'camped' in the covered garage where my office was located.

You'd see him huddle down for the night, along with his little dg, a small scruffy little terrier mix. When I walked thru the garage on my way to lunch, I would often check to see where he was and then bring him a burger and drink. He always tore the sandwich in half, ate one half and gave the other to his dog.

I started bringing him a bag of dry dog food every month and he took great pains to keep it dry. His little dog rode in the child's seat in the grocery cart wherever he went. One especially cold winter morning, I noticed his dog was missing and he seemed utterly forlorn. I bought him some coffee and he explained how the city rounded up the homeless and took them to the shelter because it was bitterly cold and they took his dog away from him. They took her to the local shelter (no license, no tags, no rabies vaccination). I was appalled.I took the morning off, picked him up from the garage & drove him to the shelter where we asked to look for his 'lost' dog. When we found her, she put up such a racket of pure joy upon seeing him: yipping, yelping, wiggling uncontrollably. Paws squeezed between chain link trying to touch her master and his fingers stroking her little face.I paid for her license, basic shots and retrieval fee and he rode back in silence hugging her so tight, I thought he would break her. When we got out, I told him to keep her safe. He hugged me, made Sasha give me a smooch of thanks, and hurried off to where he'd hidden his cart .I understand the need to keep these souls safe but taking his one undeniable friend -- while legally founded -- was gut wrenchingly wrong on so many other levels. Any act of kindness can change lives, no matter how great or how small.

A rookie cop pulled over a biker for speeding, and here’s how their chat went:

• Officer: Can I check your driver's license?

• Biker: I don’t have one. It got suspended after my fifth DUI.

• Officer: Can I see the owner's card for this bike?

• Biker: It’s not mine. I stole it.

• Officer: So, the motorcycle is stolen?

• Biker: Yep, that’s right. But now that I think about it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.

• Officer: There’s a gun in the tool bag?

• Biker: Yes, sir. I stashed it there after I shot and killed the guy who owns this bike and stuffed his drugs in the saddle bags.

• Officer: There are drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?

• Biker: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. Soon, the biker found himself surrounded by police, and the captain came over to take charge of the situation:

• Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

• Biker: Sure! Here it is. It’s valid.

• Captain: Whose motorcycle is this?

• Biker: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the registration.

• Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can check for a gun?

• Biker: Sure thing, but there’s no gun in there. And there wasn’t anything in the tool bag.

• Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I heard you say there are drugs in them.

• Biker: No problem. I opened the saddle bags, and there were no drugs.

• Captain: I don’t get it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.

• Biker: Yeah, I bet he mentioned I was speeding too!

Is Sweden completely ruined by socialism?

Yes it is broken beyond belief. It has a huge homeless population. It has people working for such low wages they get welfare and a food supplement program. It has people begging for donations so they can get medical care in a broken system. It has school teachers and other people working in college educated jobs living in tents and cars because they cant afford to rent or own a home. The highways around their major cities either go into gridlock or just miss everyday. They have a public railroad and commuting system that belongs in a third world country. Only the wealthy can really afford to go to college.They have children going to bed hungry and the schools take trays of food from them in school because they cant pay for it. They are taking kids from their parents and putting them in cages.

They have a public school system underfunded trying to turn it into private religious indoctrination. They have people in government who deny science because of what the bible says. They keep spending millions and fighting senseless wars and bombing people. They have a small population of billionaires that run the system to benefit themselves and screw the rest of the country.