T he 'W' word

In life, never stop asking questions.

Never stop listening to the answers, and listening to the answers.

Never assume you know it all, because you do not.

Never assume there is nothing new to learn, cos again, there always is. is.

The most important words available - to help gain knowledge and to help you with your enquiries - all rely on 5 simple words and they all start with a :- W

What ?

Where? When ? Who ?

Why ?

and many discussions also use a B word, which does not always help but can open up the topic IF you have something worthy of adding AFTER the B word.

And the B word is :-

BUT

But what ?

But where ? But when ?

But who ?

But why ?

Shy people ask me how they can join in more when they are shy at speaking up, and my answer is always the same...

Ask some simple questions -

What do you do ? Where are you from ? When do you do this ? Who do you know ? Why are you here ?

as people will always speak up and answer and then, ask another of the questions above and keep the conversation going by just asking questions and listening to the answer and formulating your next question from what you have just learned.

In the TV programme 3 IN A BED that Hamilton Hall and myself was in, the protagonist Andrew - asked me a ton of questions, on camera, about the sex industry and yet didn't listen to a single thing I answered and he was too busy trying to sound intelligent in front of the camera as he assumed he had the audience right behind him - when all he did was make himself out to look like a fool, as his questions were not related to the answers given and he blindly ignored everything I said - and yet his knowledge basis on the sex industry was almost zero while ignoring the most experienced sex workers responses as incorrect, and he knew best.

He wasn't shy. He was just a fool. Assuming to know best when clearly he did not ;-

Asking all the right questions is fine and dandy ONLY IF YOU LISTEN TO THE ANSWERS and by ignoring and just going onto the next question on your list, which is often the same question already asked but in different words and the same answer as before given, over and over, exasperates in its ignorance of what has already been asked and answered.

YOU NEED TO LISTEN AND RESPOND ACCORDINGLY.

'What is your accent ?'

'I'm from Devon.'.

'Oh how lovely - what part.'

'Torquay.'

'I've never been, is it expensive to live there ?'

'Yes it is'

'Why is that ?'

'Too many Londoners own holiday homes'

and so the conversation flows on from there in many directions...

I have given many talks to groups in and out of Hamilton Hall over the years and there is always ' THE ONE'- and you all know what I mean by that.

The one who asks the dumbest questions.

The one who clearly is not listening and likes to keep disturbing the whole group.

The one who thinks he knows best.

The one who actually holds everyone and everything back by not paying attention and keeping things from flowing.

So the next time you are in a group setting, pay attention to the dynamics of the conversation and who is ' the one' and - see if what I say is correct.

John Bellamy

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