True - serious - funnies...

SADLY, THE ABOVE JOKE IS SO VERY TRUE.

FORGIVE ME, MOMMY 😢🐾…

I stayed where you left me for two whole days, lying right by the side of the road. I was so scared of the cars rushing past, but I didn’t dare move.

Last night, a car stopped, and a woman got out. She tried to offer me food, but I refused. She invited me to sleep at her house, but I said no. I tried to tell her I was waiting for you, but she didn’t understand.

She brought out a leash and said I couldn’t stay there any longer. I fought back, biting her several times, and I was so scared I wet myself while growling and crying. She didn’t realize she was taking me away from you! She carried me to her car, and we drove off. I was heartbroken, knowing you’d be looking for me.

At her house, I cried and cried, hoping you’d hear me and come get me. But you never came.

JB COMMENTS: If you have a pet dog you no longer can house and look after, then do not abandon in the woods, take to a rescue centre or bring it to me here at Hamilton Hall and I will find a home but DO NOT just abandon the poor thing as if it did not have feelings like detailed above. How cruel and uncaring can some people be. When I first read this piece above it really upset me, as there are so many cruel pet owners and these animals have feelings as well. Please, have some heart and simply bring your unwanted dog to me here and we will make sure they get a good home.

NAKED CHILL OUT WEEKENDS - MEN ONLY

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An American is hiking in Scotland and he pauses to drink from a stream. A passing shepherd calls out "Dinnae drink frae that, it's all fulla coo piss an shite!"

The American says to him "I'm terribly sorry sir, would you very much mind repeating that in proper English?"

And the shepherd says "I'm terribly sorry sir, I was only asking if you would like to borrow this tin cup and get a proper drink?"

COCK AND BALL WORKSHOP WEEKEND FOR MEN

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True Story - Happened today to me: Sat on the loo taking a dump. I was freezing cold as the toilet I was using has no heating. Felt a most strange sensation around my balls - warm and moist like I had just plopped my balls into a warm mouth. I looked down to see what was going on.

My dick- which is way above average - had shrunk in the cold SO MUCH that it had COMPLETELY vanished into my scrotum and there simply was no dick.

I was peeing and the pee went all over my balls as there was no shaft and - no dick - just a vent to pee through. I giggled to myself while pushing to get my dick out properly.

My plonker was there all along, just hiding and it did amuse me, that I was peeing on my own balls.

A pastor turned homeless man walked to the church where he would be introduced as the new pastor that morning.

He walked around his future church for 30 minutes as it filled with people for the service. Only three people said “hello” to him, most looked away. He asked people for change to buy food because he was hungry. No one gave him anything.

He entered the sanctuary and sat at the front of the church, but was told by security that he had to get up and go sit in the back. He greeted people as they entered, but was met with cold stares and glares from those who looked down on him and judged him.

He sat in the back of the church and listened to the weekly announcements. He heard new visitors to the church that morning being welcomed, but no one acknowledged that he was new. He watched as people around him continued to give him looks that said, “You are not welcome here.”

Then the elders of the church stepped up to the podium to make the announcement. They said they were excited to introduce the new pastor to the congregation. “Introducing our new pastor.” The congregation stood up, applauding with joy and anticipation. The homeless man sitting in the back stood up and began walking down the aisle.

That was when the applause stopped and the church fell silent. With all eyes on him, he walked up to the altar and took the microphone. He paused for a moment and then elegantly recited a Bible verse:

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, take possession of the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you came to me.’

Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? When did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or needy and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and come to you?’

Then the King will answer, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’”

After reciting this, he introduced himself as their new pastor and told the congregation what he had experienced that morning. Many began to weep and bow their heads in shame.

"I see a group of people here today, but I don't see a church of Jesus. The world already has enough people looking the other way. What the world needs are disciples of Jesus who follow his teachings and live like him. When will YOU decide to become disciples?"

He then concluded the service, saying that his sermon had already been given, and dismissed the congregation until the following Sunday.

COCK AND BALL WORKSHOP WEEKEND FOR MEN

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In 1994, recently deceased 79-year-old Thelma Pearl Howard was discovered to have over $9 million in her bank account, a fortune she had never revealed to have possessed.

Born in 1915, Thelma worked numerous jobs such as cleaning houses and selling water in order to get by. Her family was poor, her mother having died in childbirth, and so she spent several years working her way up.

But one day, in 1951, she landed a job working as a housekeeper at a mansion, where she would reside for the next three decades. That mansion belonged to none other than animation giant Walt Disney.

Due to the relationship between the previous housekeeper and Disney's two children, there was skepticism; the kids would be locked away in their rooms while cleaning was underway.

But Thelma had a heart of gold and was able to connect with the children, as well as the rest of the Disney family. The bond grew and grew. In the house that was far larger than any place she'd lived in before, she was treated like a member of the family.

As well as that, Thelma was a great housekeeper, making sure everyone was well cared for, and always had Disney's favourite snack (hot dogs) there for when he arrived home from work. She was a perfectionist in her role: Disney once described her as a “real life Mary Poppins.”

For a while she was given a modest salary, but once Disney began to balloon into an empire, Thelma’s salary ballooned with it. Rather exponentially, too. In fact, every year on her birthday and Christmas, Disney himself would give Thelma shares of the company's stock.

Of course, this would make a person very rich over the course of thirty years, and Thelma Howard died a multimillionaire, with a whopping 193,000 shares.

Her relationship with the entrepreneur, his children and grandchildren was such that it earned her undying generosity from this often very hard-to-please man.

And, out of respect for her boss, Thelma never once flaunted the money, keeping it as a secret from everyone.

In her will, she gave half the fortune to her son, Michael, and the other half to help disadvantaged children, now known as the Howard Foundation.

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